Is there anything in the world worse than having an ugly baby? As far as I’m concerned, this is a fate worse than death. I mean, it’s not like getting a bad haircut where you can sort of be in on the joke and poke fun at yourself. “Haha, I know I look like Carrot Top. That’s so funny.” When you have an ugly child, you’re stuck carrying around some baby that people pretend to adore – only deep down you know that they want to vomit on your kid. But unlike a bad haircut, you can’t get in on the joke. “Yeah, I know it looks like someone stepped on his face. That’s so funny.” You just have to pretend that people aren’t making fun of the freak-show you call a child behind your back.
And everyone keeps telling me “when it’s your baby, you’ll think it’s cute no matter what.” Well of course I will, I’m a gorgeous human being. What I wonder about is everyone else. How do you come to terms with this? Is it like the 5 stages of grief and ultimately everyone just accepts it? Maybe that’s why nobody knows their kid is ugly -they’re in stage 1: denial. Someone should write a book about this called ‘The 5 stages of Getting Over Your Ugly Baby.’
